19 October 2015

Kris Evans Dildo


Five months ago, back in May, I had the fortune of stumbling across some Fleshjack dildos on sale for a ridiculously low price, and such is my love for all things Fleshjack I couldn't resist picking up the Kris Evans and Cody Cummings dildos for only £30 for the pair. 

Since then I've largely put off reviewing them as I find that unfortunately it all starts to sound the same whenever I talk about one, but as it happened this afternoon I saw a few photos of Kris Evans on Tumblr and had a sudden hankering to whip out his dildo, and I thought if I'm going to use it I might as well review it!

I have to admit that originally the Kris Evans wasn't on my list of dildos that I desired. He's not a porn performer that I'm especially into, and there are a few oddities about the dildo that I found slightly off-putting, but that said I couldn't be more pleased to have it in my collection now.

The dildo is precisely what you'd expect if you've ever experienced one from Fleshjack before; an incredibly detailed and realistic replica of a penis. It's the most like-life facsimile of a body part you could imagine, and the closest you're going to be able to get to exploring Kris Evans' manhood in all it's three-dimensional glory. No matter how you choose to survey it, by eye, by touch, by mouth, in terms of pure visual authenticity nothing comes close to what Fleshjack do, and they really are the best on the market. That's not all, however, because they do a credible job of making sure they feel real too.

Starting right down at the base of the dildo the Kris Evans has possibly the perfect pair of balls. If you've ever seen him in porn then typically they're hanging low and swinging pendulously as they slap into the backside of his scene partner, but here they're tight and tucked up below the thick shaft, looking in perfect proportion. They're big, full, round, equally sized, perfectly symmetrical, separated by a pronounced raphe running the length of the scrotum, and beautifully textured with little bumps and creases. It's not really an area of a dildo of great importance, or deserving of much attention, but somehow they stand out through their uniformity, and they also make for a nice sturdy footing when standing the dildo up anywhere.

The shaft of the dildo sprouts out of the balls revealing its impressive girth, enticing you to wrap a hand around it and give it a squeeze. It's only 5 5/8" in circumference, which doesn't seem like an awful lot compared to the Dolph Lambert which is pushing 6", but nevertheless it feels thick between your fingers and palm. It's a beautiful straight shaft pointing up towards the sky, covered in a smooth skin where you can faintly make out the grain. There's plenty of other rich detailing to catch your eye too; a few surface capillaries appear throughout the skin, while the larger veins meander up either side of the dildo before wrapping around underneath and converging towards the frenulum. Toward the top of the shaft there's a ridge of bunched up skin where the retracted foreskin lies loosely 3/8" behind the head, and this continues around to form a pronounced frenulum which attaches to the base of the glans. 

The head is probably my least favourite part of the dildo. The shape of it is mostly fine, though it is perhaps a little narrow and could be plumper, but what I really dislike is the texture. To me the glans of a penis should be perfectly smooth and shiny, that's what looks healthy and attractive, but the head of the Kris Evans dildo is covered completely in little bumps. To start with I thought I'd find this really unappealing, but it's actually tolerable in person while still not ideal. It's mostly a visual issue, because while it may not look that aesthetically pleasing it's not a great bother to the touch, or even if you're inclined to put it into your mouth. Aside from the textured surface the only other point of detail on the head is the opening of the urinary meatus, which is rather small and shallow, and not especially noticeable. 

The dildo is made from Fleshjack's own formula of platinum silicone, which is one of the safest and most hygienic sex toy materials on the market. It's a reasonably soft type of silicone, with a nice amount of squish and flexibility to it, similar to that of the Tantus Pack 'n' Play, but a little firmer. I am particularly fond of this material, though it would enhance the realism if it were slightly on the softer side, especially when it comes to squeezing the head. 

In terms of use it really is a fantastic dildo and gives a great experience of what it must feel like to be with Kris Evans. The dildo is 7 1/2" long in total, with just over 6" that is useable, so it's possible to get the entire thing in and sit on it without much struggle. Because the head isn't too big or bulbous it slips in pretty easily, and the softness of the silicone ensures a comfortable entry. As you slide down the shaft you don't really feel much of a bump from either the coronal ridge or the fold of foreskin below it, but the girth of the dildo is pleasantly filling, especially the further along you get. As the dildo is highly detailed this translates to texture in the surface, and it can feel a little rough if you use insufficient lube or something too thin. With plenty of thick anal lube it's not a problem at all, and the texture just provides a nice bit of added sensation against the sphincter. While the dildo doesn't really have any curve to it as such, the slight lean of the head is enough to alter how it feels depending on orientation, and my personal preference is to have it with the balls facing forward so that the tilt of the head follows the natural curve of the rectum. If you're thrusting by hand then the balls make a great chunky handle to grip, but if you prefer to ride it then they perform even better as a stabilising base, so you needn't worry too much about it toppling over. Once you get a good rhythmic thrusting going then it really feels great; you can feel the flexible shaft bending around inside you, and something about the shape of it allows it to really penetrate deep into you without discomfort. There's definitely a psychological element to it, knowing whose penis it is and what it's doing to you as you really thrust long, hard, and deep. On a purely physical note though it really does a number on the prostate, and that thick filling shaft rubs up against it intensely with each thrust. The central column which protrudes from the underside of the shaft seems to contribute to the overall effectiveness of the dildo, as there's an added sensation to be felt beyond that which is usually apparent. In a way I find it quite an addictive toy, as once you get going with it you only want to continue, perpetually generating more of those wonderful prostate sensations. 

The dildo comes in Fleshjack's standard cardboard box packaging which I've spoken of a million times. It's great display packaging, but it's too large for practical home storage, though the photos on the exterior do make you somewhat reluctant to toss it out immediately.


So, the Kris Evans dildo, what's the verdict? It has to be one that I'd recommend. Everything that Fleshjack have put into this dildo is to be commended, from the materials to the quality of construction, but the real praise must go to nature for bestowing Kris Evans with this wonderfully shaped dick. Sure it may not have the prettiest head, but everything else is picture perfect, and all that I've experienced from using it makes me understand why his scene partners always seem to have such a happy look on their faces. It's definitely one to buy.

The Kris Evans Dildo is available from from Esmale where there's currently 15% off everything, and you can get an extra 10% off when you use the code 'INCEND10' at the checkout.

Alternatively you can buy it directly from Fleshjack.


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